yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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