I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
