the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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