Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
