I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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