Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
