There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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