The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
