we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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