Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
