This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I met the friendliest cop last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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