she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
