Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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