By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
