To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
