Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
