Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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