My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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