I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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