New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
wow bdsm is so cute
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
