Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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