just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
