Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
