she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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