This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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