Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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