Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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