I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am available for nakedness
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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