Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
