the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
