My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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