Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Randomize
