I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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