No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
