btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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