Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
