alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize