Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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