so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
