At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize