I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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