college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
