I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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