There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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