I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
