If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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