Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
