I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I touched a dick in church today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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