did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
