Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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