OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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