she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
