Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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