I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's shark week go big or go home
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
