Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
