Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
