real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
