In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
