do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
