I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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