we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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