I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
