Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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